Other partners have come and gone but I’ve been at the singer’s side for a decade, as her favourite furry friend – and this is our story.
A renowned monogamist? Yeah, and I’m a Bichon Frisé… She has men come and go all through the day, satisfying her every craven desire. She is a monster, a hack, a trashy little fame whore. And it’s about time we all woke up to it.
Who is ‘she’, you ask, the cat’s grandmother? No, my grandmother was a saint. I refer, of course, to Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld’s blue-eyed Birman, often touted as one of the ‘richest cats in the world’. (The most well-PR’d cat in the world, more to the point.)
In rankings of famous cats, I’m forever number two, despite my fortune being a reported $97 million (eclipsing her estimated $13 million). But at least my conscience is clear. Tell me, who was the last person to see Lagerfeld alive? And who ended up left with a meaty portion of his fortune in the will? I’m not accusing anyone of anything. I’m just asking questions, that’s all.
For those unaware, I have been the primary cat companion of the global superstar Taylor Alison Swift for 10 years this summer.
In June 2014, when I was just a kitten, Lady Swift posted a photograph on Instagram of me, gazing back at her from her lap. ‘Meet Olivia Benson,’ she wrote, and, not for the first time, I broke the internet.
‘OMG what kind of cat is that?! I want one!’ fans would scream. The official answer is that I am a Scottish Fold, a valuable and distinctive breed of domestic cat due to our ‘folded’ ears, caused by a dominant gene mutation associated with osteochondrodysplasia. The unofficial answer is that I’m one of a kind, so back off and good luck, sister.
The name Olivia Benson was given to me in honour of the lead character in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a show Lady Swift is a great fan of. Is it funny that everyone calls her Tay Tay, which sounds more like a cat than a grown woman, but my name sounds more like a grown woman than a cat? I don’t think that’s funny.
Whether I’ve since outgrown that character and become the more famous Olivia Benson is not for me to say, but I’ll just point out that anyone who denies it isn’t a serious person. I met the other ‘Olivia’ once. She’s smaller than she looks on TV.
(It would be remiss of me not to mention that Lady Swift also has two other cats, a second and lesser Scottish Fold called Meredith Grey and a Ragdoll named Benjamin Button. They are fine, I suppose. We are all named after fictional characters. Do not ask why; it is not my department.)
As is well known, Lady Swift does not allow access to her inner sanctum just willy-nilly, and she has signed off on every word printed here. When I asked if it would be possible to pen a few sentences for this newspaper to mark our 10th anniversary, she snapped shut her copy of The Spectator and said, ‘Are you kidding me? I love The Telegraph. I write to Richard Madeley about my dilemmas all the time.
‘PlusWord is my only real vice, other than sullen British men. I’ve been hoping they’ll ask me to do My Saturday for years, but I’m still waiting. In truth I’m worried mine is too similar to Gregg Wallace’s…’
She went on for a while. Long story short: it was a yes. And I am grateful, because nobody ever asks how I am. So now the world’s most famous pet with a living owner is finally unleashed, for one day only. (That’s a metaphor; I would never tolerate a leash.)
News
(c)“I knew you were going to be my wife with just one glance. Every day, I give thanks to God that I followed my instincts. Thanks for entering my life.” Travis Kelce teary-eyed says to his girlfriend Taylor.…
Travis Kelce’s heartfelt revelation about falling for Taylor Swift has set hearts aflutter, unveiling a love story that defies expectations and captures the imagination of fans worldwide. With teary eyes and a heart full of gratitude, Kelce poured out his…
(c)Taylor Swift always spends Mother’s Day with her mom — even when she’s in the middle of a record-breaking world tour!
Andrea Swift was spotted by eagle-eyed Swifties at La Défense Arena in Paris on May 12 Andrea Swift and Taylor Swift in 2010. Photo:Mazur AMA 2010/WireImage Taylor Swift always spends Mother’s Day with her mom — even when she’s in the middle of a…
(c)Patrick Mahomes acknowledges that his football success was aided by his “hall of fame wife,” Brittany: People are unaware of “how much she does.”
Patrick Mahomes doesn’t think his wife, Brittany Mahomes, gets the credit she deserves. “People don’t even realize how much she does, taking care of the day-to-day stuff and making it so where I can focus on football, focus on my craft…
(c)Taylor Swift jetted to Kansas City to spend time with Travis Kelce in SECRET ahead of latest game… before she skipped the Minnesota showdown
Taylor Swift was nowhere to be seen during her new love interest Travis Kelce’s latest NFL game in Minnesota, but she had already gotten in some personal time with him before the big day. The 33-year-old pop superstar jetted from…
(C0“So Sad”: Brittany Mahomes Heartbroken for Special Guest after Patrick Mahomes’ Home Invaded by Racoon
Brittany Mahomes continues to give details about the special guest who was residing in her house’s backyard. Taking to her Instagram handle, Patrick Mahomes’ wife provided a grim update when she noticed the destroyed eggs in the mother duck’s nest….
(C)Kylie Kelce Gives a Sweet Look at Memorial Day Weekend Plans with Her Daughters: ‘Girlies Love Options’
Kylie and Jason Kelce share three daughters: Wyatt, Elliotte and Bennett Jason and Kylie Kelce’s family (L), Kylie Kelce’s Instagram Stories of nail polish. PHOTO: KYLIE KELCE/INSTAGRAM (2) Kylie Kelce is enjoying some Memorial Day weekend fun with her girls. On Sunday, May…
End of content
No more pages to load